Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
