Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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