I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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