i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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