brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You made out with two different species that night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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