i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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