At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
