he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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