I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
