Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
