I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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