Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
