dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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