i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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