thus making me awesome and them whores
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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