he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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