Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
