In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
