i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
