i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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