i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
