I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Alive.
So much puke
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
