I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ttyl tear gas
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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