The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
