if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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