i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
