im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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