Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
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By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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