I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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