You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
