Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
