The maid of honor just puked.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
