Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
