A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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