Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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