Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
