I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
