I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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