he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
