She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
