Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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