genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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