So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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