no, he came in my armpit
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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