so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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