was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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