My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
