I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Enjoy the penises
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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