Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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