and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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