That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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