It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
