she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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