i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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