Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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