i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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