I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
