I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
