Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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