i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
be right there i have to get my cape
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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