you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
