Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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