I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have aggressive nipples.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
