I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
