I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
