Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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