foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
