he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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