I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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