I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
