Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
