from now on my penis is your penis
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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