How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
