Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
