i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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