That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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