well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
